Today I decided to rummage through the drafts I have made in wordpress, google docs, and my laptop. Most of them are a kind of draft that you made impulsively in a minute but then you abandon for no particular reason, there are also some who was made to respond to a parrticular event happening around the time that draft was made.
Take a look at this draft for example. That day Indonesian presidential debate was one of the most talked topic among Indonesian people. Pitting Joko Widodo and Jusuf Kalla against Prabowo Subianto and Hatta Rajasa, this debate was potentially the factor that could lead one side winning against the other as the difference between both in polls are small and fluctuative at times. Thinking that I got an experience as adjudicator in varsity debates, I decided to make a recap of the debate and post it in my blog. I thought I could make a useful analysis for english speaking people out there who are curious with our country election and maybe pointing out who should come out as winner in said debate.
I ended up unable to know if people would like that as I got bored halfway through the debate, ended up thinking whatever recap I made would not be interesting since the debate was going in circles, so I abandon it. I ended up making a post about how Indonesia medias were intentionally being unneutral in presidential election season though.
Speaking about adjudication and debate, there was a time when I started to make an adjudication guide. I was able to break as adjudicator in several debate competition that time so I thought sharing what I learned in those tournaments would be useful for some. I ended up abandoning it since I thought I wasn’t qualified enough to be seen as ‘adjudication expert’ and there are many adjudication guides people can get in internet already. But now that I think about it, I guess I was just scared I would make a fool out of myself. I was scared people would spot faults in my writing and judge me as overconfident amateur who should go back and save my thoughts for myself instead. What an insecure guy I am haha.
There are also geeky stuffs I found in my drafts as well. For example, there’s this draft I wrote after reading Suicide Squad comics. I was impressed with the story this group got to offer and proceed to make a post about how we should be excited with the upcoming Suicide Squad movie. There’s also a post about Matsui Rena, a former member of an idol group called SKE48. You see, I haven’t shared much about this in this blog but I’m actually a big fan of AKB48 groups. I have been a fan for years and there was a time when I watch girls dancing more than I debate. Matsui Rena has been a central figure for SKE48 for years so I want to write about her and how her departure could impact the group. These drafts were not posted because the momentum has passed and events that made the buzz about topics that I wrote has long gone.
Rummaging through my drafts has been quite a good experience. It made me feel nostalgic to see what me from months or years ago was thinking about. However the biggest revelation I got from doing this is how I was stopped from sharing my work for irrelevant reasons. So what if people think I was not adequate enough to post a guide to do something? If they do find things I got wrong then I’ll just have to say thanks and edit it accordingly. But now that I didn’t even post that guide, I’d never have a chance to get any feedback or to help anyone out there who might appreciate it. Stuffs about momentum are also irrelevant. If the audiences are not interested in that topic anymore at that moment, they could be interested sometime in the future. Take a look about presidential debate recap for example, it could be used to be a record on what our current president has promised and his stance on many ranges of issues. People would still read that, but I’d never know because I have never posted that draft at the very first place.
In the end what stops me, what stops us to share our work to the world is mostly just our insecurity. We think we are not good enough and people would see us as failures. Most of the time however, it was just us discrediting ourselves so we don’t take the risk to show our work, be criticized, and show our vulnerability to the world. The thing is, we won’t get better if we don’t show our work out there. To truly get better is overcoming self-doubt and insecurity then get stronger from it. So next time insecurity and doubts hit me, just hustle up, continue writing, and post it anyway.
Have you ever been in similar situation as mine? Share it if you do in comments!